Saturday, March 17

Drowning

"Everyday is so wonderful, and suddenly it's hard to breathe" - Christina Aguilera
So basically, I'm no one, except for the fact that I'm one of His servants. My name is Nur Amira bt. Abdul Razak and was born on 3rd of March thus I'm practically 15 years and 2 weeks. I'm still in secondary school. Trying so hard to pursue my dreams. 

As we get older, we tend to compete more than we used to right? Being in the first class, with all the braniacs, we feel so small. Yknow, being the underdog is never fun. Eventho being an underdog has its own charm especially when you achieve something that's way way better than yang terror macam nak gila tu, you'll be like in your faceeeeeeee! Wuhuu! I'm as happy as a bird with a French fry. Okay, sorry for exaggerating, but it feels good right? This is how I feel right now. At this one freaking moment. I'm feeling insecure like crazy. What if I don't perform well? What if I get some shitty marks. What if they think I'm dumb? What if I get the last place in class? What if I don't get the chance of making my parents proud? What ifs. These what ifs are making me crazy. I do not know which part of my brain kept thinking about this devilish what ifs. Haih. If I know that specific part, I would've done the hocus pocus on it :B

The fear of not fitting in, being good enough, not achieving your dreams are currently haunting me. The fears. Ashamed. This is why I think, I'm doubting myself at some point. Alhamdullilah, I'm not doing this all the time but yeah. When this one-of-a-kind feeling comes to you like a silent killer, haih. It felt so suffocating -your respiratory organs somehow don't work like they used to. All you can do is having second thoughts on something. To spice it up, you'll be listening to all the emo songs that you could listen to. Haha. As usual, whenever you feel like banging your head against the wall and stuffs, you'll take your ablution/wudu' and spread your hands up to your chest and began to pray. Tenang je kan bila berdoa? Macam kita berada dekat dengan Dia. Boys and gals, you don't have to carve your own hands with knife, scissor or suicide. That's just plain stupid. Menyakiti diri sendiri, tak kufur nikmat ke -.......- 

I'm eager to know how I've done in my March test. That's why I feel so shitty out of the blue. Yknow, when people judge you based on how you done on the first test........ AHHHHH. Feel like bitch-slapping them, literally. IT'S JUST MEAN. BE GONE YOU ONE MEANY PESKY CREATURE. BE GONE. AVADRA KEDAVRA. HATE YOU TO DEATH. Relax, just kidding. I don't hate you to death. Baginda pun ampunkan umatnya ni kita pulak nak over. Tuih. 

p/s: Words can wound as deeply as any sword but keep your head, heels, standards high. Time will heal. InsyaAllah. Just go with the flow and everything will be alright. He works in a mysterious way, so yeah. Keep calm and belief. 
"Belief is a beautiful armor " - John Mayer 

5 comments:

  1. Wuuuu..so pressure?;) what if? every day we ask many questions, sometimes hundreds of questions..haha.Suddenly you'll just know the answer to your question or always receive the answer.But it doesn't stop there..cause there is a reason for everything! Sometimes the answer is 'slow down...you are rushing' then, smile! THINK! InsyaAllah.

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    1. Yeap. You're so true ;) We'll know the answer all of a sudden. He do works in a mysterious way. Kita kena percaya and yakin sahaja.InsyaAllah. Hi, Dato Awesome. I feel like I know you ☻

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  2. And i believe that a unique road to happiness is given to you. Simple,never give up on your dreams. Your talents are not limited and should be shared with a confidence and generosity of spirit. InsyaAllah. Saya sentiasa doakan anda. hi, amira, you know me? i don't think so...:)

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    1. That's a hunch talking tho. I guess I don't know you after all. Anyway, keep inspiring people whoever you are ;)

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  3. InsyaAllah..same goes to you.Salam ;)

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